so be it
“why?” a meaningless question
allowing all – trusting all –
intending and desiring
to see only love
has no place for “why?’
“why?’ implies rejection
“why?” implies a need to place blame
“why?” places cause outside myself
“why?” denies the unfolding of creation from within
whenever I hear myself say
“why did this happen?”
“why did she say that?”
“why did he do that?”
i know I have fallen into the insanity of duality
i know I have my head up my butt
i know I have encased a need to be right
rather than allow peace to be what is.
now I rescind my need to know why
now I desire to die to my desire to be right
now I desire to be more and more
with the infinite unraveling of reality
i surrender to what is
i say, “so be it”
and I rest in silence.
michael
MOTHER
FATHER
GOD
In this now moment
I come to you
And ask of you to allow me
To share a parable with you…
Earthly parents
Were born into the world
Of 3d
As earthly parents in 3d
You must realize that
Shoulds, oughts, and
I know’s
Are thoughts of
3d parenting….
I am asking of you now
To be ME
Your Mother/Father
All that is
That lives with in you
I am with you always,
You are my beloved…
Yet , I say unto you
Rise up………
I beg of you
Come home and “be”
The Mother/ Father
Parent
That has been abiding
Within you always
And has allowed you to play
In the garden
Known as 3d life…
How does the highest
Mother/father
Love
Truly “love”
Its holiest of child
I allow you
To choose, to think
To create
Whatever you wish
In any moment…
Oh yes,
I see it all
I experience it with you
Yet
I await you
I trust you
I know your truth
And I await patiently
For my prodigal son
To come within
To its truth
Of our union
we share for eternity
So,
I ask of you know
Let go of all thoughts
That a parent is a “knower”
Of what is best for it’s
Child…
Replace that thought
With this one
I ALLOW YOU
TO
BE…
You are the “parent”
Of your creations…
Thus, no victims
Only innocent creators
With this
I bid you adieu
Jeshua/Abba
All that is…….
4 comments:
Hi Michael,
When I ask, “what to do?” with respect to others, the usual answer is, “Let it be.”
Love and blessings,
-k
the question, "why"
it has brought me
to new places
as i question status quo
as i question collective thinking
the question, "why"
i've enjoyed it
as a catalyst
for new ideas,
new ways of thinking
new perspective
and as i write this
i hear inside me
"why is that?"
and i feel a smile
occurring inside
and hear
"for the experience, my dear,
for the experience"
Sweet Dude Is the Real Lover Amongst Us, so Who’s our Daddy Now?
Hated
A mentor once said that “I am not proud of what I think and what I say when I am in a hostile environment”, and this one little statement stimulates so much meaning for me. He is the one who says “Abuse causes dependency” about how it is so puzzling when someone is getting abused that they have a hell of a time leaving those hostage situations. Abused kids that hurt hate their parents so much, but it is very difficult to help them forsake tremendous seeming loyalty. Guilt can be one underlying cause of holding on so the punishment staying even offers some relief and supports the feeling of unworthiness. Other dimensions are felt with or without awareness, so when others hide their anger with a deceitful smile, we will still think and talk in a confused fashion almost as a spontaneous mirroring of the haters’ reality.
I think about how courts and authorities are by their very nature, hateful. How does it really feel to be a minority when there is an on going genocide that is still denied? Think of all the wars caused by religious bigotry and how now there are very selective and accepted notions of bigotry crimes. Kids in schools reflect their parent’s bigotry and really harm others and we discount this hate as if it is ok because “oh, kids will be kids”. I think about how many systems of gender hate are encouraged and supported, but also denied as routine and yet seem ok with men and women. Every relationship includes resentments and we all deny awful treatment and reactions as almost humorous and expected. Genocide is OK. War is OK. Punishment is OK. Taking away food is OK. Taking away human rights is OK. Lying leaders and kings that we call presidents is OK. Kids hating School is OK. Making Laws against a natural on going experience and then incarcerating a selected few is OK.
Hate is OK. Murder is punishable unless it is multi murder for vested interests of the rich and richer. Same behavior is not OK by some groups, but is very Ok and automatic for others. Double standards are encouraged and accepted. Our kids have a lot to learn that must seem crazy and we demand that they trust and respect us! “I am not proud of what I think and what I say when I am in a hostile environment” cleverly understates the conditions here for all of us. We all surely act dependent and addicted here so I guess we can stop blaming ourselves because abuse causes dependency for sure from this perspective. Here is another great little saying that can never be understated and seldom is understood: “Anything less than nurturing is abuse”. We are really a bunch of broken hearted emotional cripples to have made friends with so much compromise and stress and go on year after year denying the bigotry and hypocrisy in all of us.
As I receive love and nurturing from Holy Spirit and our absolutely Heavenly Father of magnanimous and benevolent Peace, I renounce more and more of the systems of hate with a common sense that comes from inside. I imagine that as I meditate, I connect spiritually with the whole Universe in a oneness that immediately tells me when I am off center from what is common to all. First, I imagined only connecting with the peaceful parts of everyone inside and asked Holy Spirit to help me with the parts of some that I would not be accepting of. More and more I connect with many variations of us with acceptance and open to a general sense of what is humanly possible and what works towards God’s will and what does not nurture true freedom, love, and wisdom. There is Peace and a sense of humor inside with unlimited other intelligence that just would not ever make it with us on the outside.
The best we can ever hope to live up to here of the world is to help, help, and help each other and some may learn to come from love here as they connect more and more inside with Holy Spirit. Inside we may love without disappointment, and we may share peace inside with others, Spiritually with God’s help, but here it seems the best we can ever do is give all relationships to God in order to learn what is exploitation and what is love. If I ask myself right now “what is the purpose of life?” what comes is to learn to love by turning everything here over to God and let go of the control that just seems to keep us unhappily trapped here. I am not happy here and it really seems that Earth can only look good when I hold onto unconscious guilt that almost seems a relief like the abused of us seem to cling to self punishment to satisfy our need for suffering.
Talking of love is a wonderful preoccupation and may sound good, but loving, simply loving like a fountain from inner experiences will never survive on Earth here because it really appears that love is against the law, and the laws of man that really hurt us are forever unwritten and denied. Helping here is inclusive of judgment and exploitation, builds resentments and indifference and this has just got to be how parents can ever let a son join any army or police. How can any of us support marriage when both are subject to all the controls of government systems that erode any possibility of trust and love of each other and even our children? Many times this year, I have heard Spiritual masters say the thing we deny most is suicide and their very large numbers are almost killing us. Our governments make billions of dollars on drugs and alcohol and our sports coliseums resemble the ones where we get re-minded to remain cold hearted like when lions ate adult children.
Since Spiritual masters are so aware that they report we need to become more open about discussing suicide, I guess I think it is OK to talk about what is really not OK with everything we pretend is Ok about how much we hate the hated. I contemplate that as we are more able to discern what is love that we would naturally be able to discern what love is not. The more I experience what love is inside me, as me, the less I want to invest in outside systems that are formed to fail and will never match the eternal love that makes everything else here seem so futile and temporary. One Spiritual leader recently said “we sure like to suffer, here” and it is very difficult to get someone else to change, let alone get the motivation to improve our own condition. Nothing else in my 63 years of searching has impressed me more than asking for help from Holy Spirit inside in prayer and meditation to forgive others, free my mind of resentments, and learn to turn everything that happens over to God and learn, and change, and love learning.
All In
I am so tired from being my own judge, jury, and executioner, and everything that happened long ago is still in my mind going round and round as resentment, guilt, and self hatred. How many hundreds of times have I found myself taken over as if I were found stunned and staggering around drifting way back when, even before the dramas appeared all in? This little boy part of me that is so powerful inside seems to have taken over for mom and gram and he smells like a skunk that pees all over any possible picnic spots. He hates himself so bad as he keeps getting into pissing contests with skunks to make sure he appeases his guilt within the self punishment that comes from always losing. The boy himself is not even a boy, but large groups of man hating women that appear on the outside as the judge, the jury, and the executioner.
I do not even function as a man, but a speck way out in orbit in the space of lost and found. Not healthy men surround, but men like me with hate and inner rage drift far away, and when I even mention any possibility of female rape, their own guilt speaks silently as shame on very angry faces. Is this crowd lost, or am I just lost in this crowd of mom skunk losers, and how is anyone supposed to figure out those of us that come from little girl losers in pissing contests of women of our lost and found moms? How do we give up the ghost of deep trauma if we think of Holy Spirit as just one of those ghosts that play around with us here in the first place? Holy Spirit must become more to me than anything stuck hiding in my old mind, and as I think of even this writing as service from His will and love, I trust writing this will bring the Peace of God for my lost little boy in inner and outer space.
All this is not out there, but is the drama within my old mind that only projects out there, precisely what goes on in the court of my dreams as I transfer mom and gram onto women who are just getting by. Holy Spirit is not just a ghost, but the lover of all us lovers that helps everything we see fit in with ease so we can get on with our life in loves fountain. I am the judge, jury, and executioner, not women as my little boy mind would have me believe, and the same lover who arranges all this for me is the same lover in, and as me, that will take all this away if I just ask. I am weak from surrender of what never seems easy when arguing with our perfect projections, so I aim to forgive smelly women and other men that surround themselves with mom projections even as they aim by turning their backs on me.
Teachers and books tell us that we are what we are learning, to inspire us to trust what is presented as no small miracle as a sign of our growth, so I have to believe with gratitude that even naming my projection and resentment is a good sign that I am ready to replace them. My tiredness and weakness can be the very clue that I am surrendering all this within my mind and I embrace everything here as not out there, but simply in here within the very same powerful thing that is writing. Just think that Holy Spirit within me is so powerful that we together can even forsake the trauma and projection for the sake of our immortal reality, love. It has always been quite an impossible task for me to act strong and self assured, but I have an idea that true strength does not come from losing pissing contests with skunks, but from simply admitting our weakness, and asking for help within the telling.
Happy Question
I want to hold a focus on the question of love and hate, Heaven and Earth, oneness and duality, and us and them long enough to do some good before old answers mess up our chances. Some teacher says that we pray for what we want and when those prayers are answered we argue with the form of those answered prayers. As I pray for help to forgive, for resentments to be taken away, and for the willingness to trust, receive love and be even closer to Holy Spirit, I am withdrawing from the world and renouncing more uncomfortable things that seem to become compared to the more nurturing and sensitive Holy Spirit. I remember when Spirit was taking away the dark ink of fear that filled the space wherein lay the marbles of lost-my-marbles that as the fear was being replaced with love, chill-to-the-bones chills made it very clear that I had had fear. I experienced awareness that as I took on the fear and denied it, that the fear took on a life of its own and I hid it by only pretending to love from in here.
Here we go to focus on the question now, and hold onto this question until we get to experience awareness of new special motivation and willingness to let go of what we think are all the answers here. My parents hated me; my wives hated me; my brothers hated me; my kids hated me; my government hated me; my friends hated me; half the population hated me as a man; the other half hated me as indifferent, man; and now I take in the essence of this truth woman and man, and forgive this in all, while I embrace this in me. I hated me; I HATED ME; I settled; I made friends with resentment within all long term relationships where we ate the hard biscuit, hung in there with a vengeance, called toxic tension and silent treatment, Peace, and sung satirical songs of endless gom-on neediness and all this hate, love. This is not a happy question if we were to ask right now, who am I? Bbbrrrrrr, this seems cold, but I need to hold onto the quest of my question, now.
As I realize that as I have held onto my resentment and self hatred that, like everyone else here, I had become self centered and others did not matter in all my experiences as all conversations came back to me, me, me, and this is another nasty, not happy question of this very conversation. This may be hard to swallow, but the very self hatred within me is what nurtured the need for hate from others as I used them as they used me to punish each other and prove our unworthiness here. There will be more discomfort on the way to our happy question here, but step by baby step of love and forgiveness is what gives us the confidence and willingness to go on without any answers. I have heard a guru refer to us as worms chasing our tails, heard teachers say everything we seek all over the world is already just inside us, we end where we begin, and that it is possible to bring Heaven right down here on Earth even while still in these very bodies.
One good metaphor is our caterpillar towers where we step on others real hard to get to some supposed top of envy and ambition, only to find when we look down that those under us all have a funny look in their eye that speaks to our weak foundation of competitition. The way of good caterpillars that act more like true caterpillars than empty humans, is to crawl back down the tower and find themselves a good spot of solitude to wait patiently for their God given transformation into the winged freedom and wisdom of whole Earth inspirational travelers. When I contemplated this metaphor, I saw the caterpillar tower on the Earth all sitting in a rusty bucket, and as I crawled out through a hole in the rusty bucket, I realized my feet were on the Earth, still. I found myself standing on a sort of new version of Earth, and looking back I saw our shared Earth sitting in our rusty bucket that appeared as hate, not love.
Nurturing, a sense of humor, freedom, wisdom, and eternal safety and Peace are the happy of happy question, and Holy Spirit is the happy and the quest of all our questions, if we just ask for help for the willingness not to act like the answer for other humans. Those of us that act like the answer are parents with hidden resentment that claim they love their children, and that is what makes them guide them with punishment. Schools punish and teach lies to traumatize with double messages so we will support what is already in place to hide the hidden hate within what we call love. Our long term relationships all start out with honeymoon intimacy and cling-on special what we call love, only seems to turn to resentment and hate later, to support duality and this poor answer here on our shared Earth of hate.
Now I am ready to explore what I notice so far, and I promise to trust the Happy Question that seems more like an inner fountain of love that fits in everywhere in us together. While all my old answers begin to appear as the truth of Earth hate, not even a bit like the true love within our happy learner, I even question all my previous motivation within old quest questions. When someone harms another, denies it, does not listen with heart sensitivity, remains indifferent and unresponsive, and reacts with punishment, then I see now how the source of energy for these behaviors is not love, but resentment, guilt, and self hatred. Please help us, Holy Spirit and God to see this vision of hate of this world without melting into just another guilty puddle, and help us see the real good answer in our Happy Question, here and now, as we ask for your help to learn to turn in, to love.
Dearest Jeffrey,
It is no accident that you are named Jeffrey...for that is the name of our son. I am his adopted mother and he came into our lives when he was 3 months old. He has suffered all his life too; it started before he was even birthed from the womb and that experience set the stage. I recognize lots of similarities, however...you are able to articulate them very well.
First let me say on behalf of all Mothers/women, that I am deeply sorry for all the pain, deep sadness that I have caused you on this 3rd dimensional level. Please forgive me and all women if your life as a boy/man has been stunted or thwarted by any woman. I now stand up for me/her/them and apologize from the bottom of my heart. May the Creator heal you and may you receive this healing. I see your strength! I will not emasculate you ever again, because I know you won't accept that. I honor your power and respect your wondrous mind. May our past be healed and our futures made strong and new. May you find your joy within. Go forth from this day with my love and the love of all women forever.
I also acknowledge that there have been times I have turned my back on you and walked away because your self-hatred and hatred of me and others was so intense, it frightened me and I could hardly breath. I was afraid for my life and the lives of other loved ones...not only physically but emotionally too. Often I have gotten off your stage and simply sat in the audience and observed, allowing and witness your play. There are also times I had to literally get up and walk out of your theater. All this was done for love of SELF as well as for my great love for YOU.
Before you and I came to this plane/3rd dimension, we sat in a circle on the ground in a field of daisies. It was in this loving environment of joy and light that we agreed to play certain roles for the benefit of ourselves, each other and the world. There was so much we wanted to learn and so much growth and awareness we wanted experience. We have each played our parts very well and we ARE BOTH EXCELLENT TEACHERS OF TRUTH. I bow to your Great LIGHT and the LOVE that you share with all the world on this 3rd Dimension. We are joined together in ways that are so marvelous we can not perceive on this level.
We must rise up into higher dimensions to see how wondrous we are and then we can return in 're-newed awareness' and BE all that we already are. Again I am so sorry for your pain, but I will not take ownership for causing it. That is your free choice, dear one. You are indeed greatly loved...open to your perfection. Love and Light rays are constantly being sent to you, soon you will look in the mirror and see it within, without and round about.
Blessings to you,
J AN ISTARA
Dear Janistara,
Magnificent reply! Jeshua is sooooo pleased.
I love you,
michael
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