Saturday, December 13, 2008

ode of lament

ode of lament

(for a disrupted relationship with my son, thomas)

how can i love what seems

to have loss its joy for me

my heart so full of joy at your birth

the miles I cradled and rocked you in my arms

the stories told to bring you pleasant dreams

the times I watched with pride your sports accomplishments

and looked for ways to give you all you seemed to want

yet I held on to a belief that you joined me in my purpose

in spite of frequent signs we were at odds

i kept expecting the love you verbally expressed

to allow me to be the way I choose to be

each time disappointed by self- referenced anger by you or me

when we failed to met our expectations

for the way we wished the other to be

now I drop all expectations and see you as you are to me

unwilling to allow my freedom

and i dissatisfied with your road taken

so enslaved by your own demands upon yourself

I bless you now just as you are for me

and ask the miracle of seeing the love you send

the love you be

discarding my rejections of past unfulfilled expectation

and offer love clothed in forgiveness arms

and grateful for the chance to see

the unwanted parts of my perceptions

thank you

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