ode of lament
(for a disrupted relationship with my son, thomas)
how can i love what seems
to have loss its joy for me
my heart so full of joy at your birth
the miles I cradled and rocked you in my arms
the stories told to bring you pleasant dreams
the times I watched with pride your sports accomplishments
and looked for ways to give you all you seemed to want
yet I held on to a belief that you joined me in my purpose
in spite of frequent signs we were at odds
i kept expecting the love you verbally expressed
to allow me to be the way I choose to be
each time disappointed by self- referenced anger by you or me
when we failed to met our expectations
for the way we wished the other to be
now I drop all expectations and see you as you are to me
unwilling to allow my freedom
and i dissatisfied with your road taken
so enslaved by your own demands upon yourself
I bless you now just as you are for me
and ask the miracle of seeing the love you send
the love you be
discarding my rejections of past unfulfilled expectation
and offer love clothed in forgiveness arms
and grateful for the chance to see
the unwanted parts of my perceptions
thank you
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